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about

Recorded Autumn 2006, in Huntington Beach, California.

The first thing I imagine one notices about this song is its hilarious un-subtle title, which was, in fact, not so funny at the time of its recording. This was one of a trio of break-up songs that I wrote immediately in the (seemingly) traumatic aftermath of the true and final conclusion of my first relationship. I say "true and final" because we had several times partaken of one or another form of half-assed, non-resolving separations, hiatuses, "breaks," and so forth but never kept out of touch for long, and, at least in my case, never really pursued other romantic interests.

At this juncture, it was disclosed to me (very tactlessly, I might add, but it's entirely excused because we were young and stupid) that my first love had become involved in a new, exclusive relationship. As the terribly artless, maudlin lyrics of this song might reveal, I did not take it well, and I actually was delusional enough in my state of delayed adolescent shock (I was 19 and never experienced being dumped) that I imagined if I penned some number of raw, intensely emotional songs for my ex that the relationship would thereby be magically salvaged via the transcendent, inexplicable power of art. Not only was I horribly wrong, but I'm pretty sure I exacerbated the situation in doing so, as the object of my infatuation was an individual more unnerved by such gut-wrenching declarations of love than touched, moved, etc.

So basically I sent her links to these songs and thus provided additional confirmation of the validity of her decision. And it WAS valid; trying to get a person who was, inherently and through no fault of her own, emotionally unavailable and relatively (compared to me, anyway) aloof or detached to get involved with my hardcore Idealist-Romatic younger self was simply asking for trouble. Just listen to the self-pitying tone of these lyrics! It is entirely self-centered with no regard for the perspective and interest of my apparent significant other. Let's suffice to say the whole thing was a great learning experience and I later felt like a pretty big prick for the melodramatic post-script that insisted upon inscribing at the conclusion of our shared life's volume.

Musically, I initially was trying to make this sound like Felt, which was the impetus for the dual guitar refrain dipped in bright, shimmering reverb. I ended up added doumbek and tambourine as the only percussion, and a rare recorder performance, and these ended up changing the tone of the piece from something reminiscent of Felt to a more breezy, folk-psych vibe that recalls some 60's groups I've never quite been able to pinpoint. Whatever they may be, it's a different shade of 1960s that most of my other work around this time, and in that it does stand alone.

Poorly conceived lyrics aside, this piece has one hell of a chorus that has always struck me almost iconic. While the vocals in the verses sound pretty shake (I was literally choked up and holding back tears while singing this), the lower register really shines in the chorus. The higher harmony part completely transforms the lower vocal melody into a capital "C" Chorus, which is epic is fuck, but in a way that surprisingly doesn't bother me. Somehow it just has so much impact over the chord progression, the way the interlocked vocals wind about as they descend as they "fall into a hole."

The song suffers from weak production, weak lyrics and a mediocre vocal performance in the verses, but it's that whole chorus that not only saves the song but makes it worth listening and intrigues me years later. While I still cringe at the lyrics in the verses and bridges, the chorus refrain has taken on a more ironic, tongue-in-cheek meaning for me as I've aged, while retaining that acidic, bitterness that I originally intended it to carry. It's such an obnoxiously prideful way to frame things, to declare that the Other's love, as a whole, is just a big psychological game, a "mindfuck," in the way that it seems to imply my own flawlessness. I guess I kind of did think that way, too. We've all been there, probably. I see a lot of value in being able to look back on something like this and laugh at the contradiction, while still understanding it to be 100% sincere in its original context.

I hope that if nothing else, listeners can find a little humor in this overwrought break-up song, and on a less analytical level, I hope the chorus sounds at least as rad to others as it still does to me.

lyrics

I wake up and my stomach's sick
I've got a problem that I just can't fix
It doesn't seem to be going away
Since you've been gone, it seems it's here to stay

You don't know what you do to me
Won't you come on back and set me free?
Because I'm going insane without you here
And why you left still isn't clear

Oh, oh, your love is a mindfuck
I fell into a hole, now I can't come unstuck
Oh, oh, you turn it around
You took my love and threw it to the ground

You just can't be replaced
I'm reminded every day
I'm still missing your face
And the things you used to say

I feel like this every single single
I've still got a lot of things to me
But you've no interest in my thoughts
You might have already forgot me
You're happy without me
But without you I'm so lonely
You're happy without me
And it's driving me crazy

Oh, oh, your love is a mindfuck
I fell into a hole, now I can't come unstuck
Oh, oh, you turn it around
You took my love and threw it to the ground

And you don't know what it's like to be replaced
You think I'm just another sad case
Letting my future be erased
Well, I'm well aware that I've lost my place

Oh, oh, your love is a mindfuck
I fell into a hole, now I can't come unstuck
Oh, oh, you turn it around
You took my love and threw it to the ground

And all the time we spent together
I can't forget; I just remember
Hours spent in ecstacy
Now you've taken it away from me
I'd love to see your face again
I'd love it just to touch your skin
And I wish that I could hear your voice
And I'm going mad 'cause I've got no choice

Oh, oh, your love is a mindfuck
I fell into a hole, now I can't come unstuck
Oh, oh, you turn it around
You took my love and threw it to the ground

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Dylan Thomas Walter Anaheim, California

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